How are you all? I hope that the strong winds haven’t been too destructive to your week?!?
It seems like weather and life are in sync at the moment. Extreme ups and extreme downs! I started the week with an interview at a small broker with an easy commute to where I live. The job seemed something that would be suited to me when described by the agency, so I went for it. When I got there, it was very odd. The interview style, questions and the job proposed were a bit strange. Something had gone wrong somewhere and didn’t line up, but it was evident that I was not being taken seriously and was made to feel less than my worth. Regardless, I left knowing that even if they did offer me the job, I won’t accept it as I am not looking to be treated like that by another employer! It was a disappointment and I felt s**t. So, I stopped off at Pound Land on my way home to pick up some art and craft stuff which made me feel a little less poo about the situation and like I hadn’t wasted a journey. In a state of disappointment, I got home and quickly changed into warmer, more comfortable clothes. Gave Zadie Bear the biggest snuggles ever, then got her settled and left to go to Central London with my mum. We had a lovely dinner at an Italian restaurant with a bottle of wine and then moved on to the theatre to see The Book of Mormon. It was hysterically funny. I totally worked off all the alcohol and food from the constant laughter! The Champagne interval was the cherry on the cake! Such an amazing evening. I would definitely recommend going to see this production but take an open mind and a sense of humour with you!
On Tuesday I stayed in bed most of the day snuggling with Zadie Bear and did some drawing practice. My ME/CFS is playing up a lot and has been over the past few weeks but it feels like my body is telling me to rest before it makes me rest! Sometimes I just have to do what my body tells me and then get on with it once it’s ready again!
Wednesday was an interesting day, I had a bit of sh***y news about the person I used to work for. I am now left to see what avenues I can go down to get justice. However, it seems to me that the systems in place allow employers to treat their employees like shit because the time it takes to resolve an issue and the cost of it makes it not worth it. On top of that the mental strain, sickness and impact it has on your everyday life! It is upsetting but is what it is, I guess! Anyway, I had a lovely bath to dissolve and wash away all the negativity. I will come back to it another day when I am well enough to deal with it! I did some more character drawing and had plenty of snuggles with Zadie! She is just the best listener!
Although at one point she did walk away from me (mid-chat) and didn’t come back for about 3 hours. I think that’s when my talking became rambling!
Thursday, Zadie and I were seriously contemplating the walks in this weather. She is not a fan of the wind, rain, snow or cold. I now believe it when they say dogs are like their owners! Only problem is, I am the adult in this situation, I have to make her go out and go out with her. Motherhood is hard but worth it! The bad windy weather, endless mud and puddles are driving her and me crazy! Poor girl then has to have a wash when she gets back to get all the mud off her and she is not a fan of it at all! To be honest, neither am I. I am sure she asked me to get her an indoor playground. So, I made her a deal, we will get one when she can say Love you mum without my help.
I’ve really been thinking about life at the moment. Turning 30 with no job and no plans is not the best situation to be in but it is a situation and I will work through it. I am grateful to have this time to be able to stop and think, care for myself and breath! I guess I should just enjoy this time, but something is stopping me from being able to do that. I do trust that the universe will take care of things and have faith that a new direction is coming my way. All the things I wanted, I cared so much about and worked so hard for, have a different meaning now. They don’t seem as glamorous as they did and don’t seem worth the strife, I thought they did. I am unbelievably grateful for all the things I have been through, learned from, have and can do. I am grateful I have been able to be the person I am, but I have reached a stage where I am challenging all the beliefs I used to have! Life is one big journey with many paths! Over Thursday and Friday, these thoughts were deep in my mind and haven’t really left.
On Friday, the attacks in New Zealand really tore a hole in my heart! Why are we doing this to each other? My love and light go out to the families and friends of the lost and injured! My love and light also go out to all those that have been impacted in any way by this horrific attack! After reading up on everything that happened, I spent the day with my mum. First, I sorted out Zadie then had a late breakfast at BEAM. It is a restaurant in Crouch End which serves delicious food and even better coffee! We then went to the Picture House and watched Capernaum. Oh, my days!!! What a film!!! I literally cried from beginning to end. If you go to see it, take tissues and wear waterproof makeup. This film is not only emotional but highlights real issues from all around the world. It is set in Lebanon and is about a 12-year-old boy suing his parents for bringing him into this world and the life they gave him. I don’t want to say more as it will spoil it, but it is a must see, just don’t forget those tissues! After the film, I rushed to collect my nephew from school and take him out for a little bit. We then headed home had a bath, dinner, watched dancing on ice and then bed for him. I love him to bits, having children around is such a blessing, especially when they are as gorgeous as him. There is nothing more freeing than getting in touch with your inner child and letting loose. Once he went to bed, I tried to watch Suits but couldn’t watch it as my mind was elsewhere. I realise now, that I should have meditated but I went to bed.
Today, I woke up with kisses and cuddles from my nephew! He then took Zadie down to play whilst I got up and ready to go downstairs. I had a cup of tea and some bacon. Mmmm, bacon, I love bacon! Then I got Zadie ready and took her for her walk. When I got back my sister was playing ping-pong on the kitchen table with my nephew. I couldn’t help but get involved. So we had a few rounds, before heading out. I dropped them home and headed straight for my bestie! Fun Times!!! We went to a shopping park type thing in East London. Popped into Superdrug and there was 50% off. I totally loaded up on Astral Cream, Factor 50+ Sunblock and of course, bubble bath. We then went for a quick shop around getting Mothers-Day cards and Krispy Kremes. Upon returning to my car there was a flat tyre. For goodness sakes, all we wanted to do was our usual, random shopping, junk food and Starbucks and now this! I called the AA and waited. There was less than an hour wait and I was messaged when the driver was on its way to me. Unfortunately, 20 min after the driver was supposed to be with me he wasn’t so I called the AA again. Apparently, he had left as there was a height restriction. Funny as there are 2 entrances. One has height restrictions and the other doesn’t. He didn’t call me to tell me he wasn’t coming, he just cancelled the call out and left. The guy on the phone said that he would arrange another one but that I would have to slowly drive the car to somewhere he could get to. I agreed. So, whilst waiting, a sandwich and 3 doughnuts later, I moved the car slowly to a petrol station at the other end of the car park. I was driving slowly, most drivers could see the reason why, and were patient with me. I was stopped by lots of people who pointed out the flat tyre but not once offered help. Then, as I turned off the mini roundabout some young girl started to aggressively beep at me! I really don’t understand the need for this behaviour. Regardless of why I was driving slow, there was a reason, what would have been the issue of her holding back for a tiny moment whilst I slowly moved through? It is crazy, rude, unsupportive and could cause an accident in itself! Argh, rant over! Anyway, we waited in the carpark of the petrol station, and the AA man showed up. He was a lovely young man who was respectful and considerate. He acknowledged the bad treatment from the other driver and was apologetic. He sorted out my problem in no time and was so good about it. He also helped another lady there who had trouble with her tyre. Such an asset for the AA! Once the car was sorted, we drove to Starbucks went home and had a good old giggle. I really couldn’t have been with anyone better! I literally wouldn’t get through life without her! 10 years of friendship, my guardian angel, my sister. It is these moments that really make life! I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day!
Sunday is going to be a long walk for Zadie, bath then more chill out time! Draw, read and maybe watch a film! Hopefully, the gales will slow down and so will the ups and downs of life!
I think it may be time to do a vision board in the new week!
What’s your week been like? What’s your go-to for when you are happy, sad, etc? If you were stuck somewhere, who would you choose to be with?
I hope your Sunday is relaxed and more spring than winter xx