Oh my days, it’s been a week and a half, plus some! Grab yourselves a hot drink and a snack I feel a mini-essay coming on!
So, the weekend was like the Bean Boozled challenge from Jelly Belly. Parts were yum and parts yuck! I finally got out of the house for a short while. Had a lovely portion of squid with my bestie and a very quick catch up and best of all a squeeze! Then a family meeting. Lol, I know, do people even do this still?!? Well, the answer is yes. My family is a modern and liberal family but at the same time we hold some old-school values. We want to stay close to each other but without imposing on one and other. With 3 generations and 5 strong adults one child and a dog, you can imagine the levels of complexities we go through. After 30+ years, I think we have nailed the communications between us. Yay!!! So, this was a draining and very hard discussion for us all, but we hashed it out and finished off with Sushi! That was basically the weekend done.
Monday, I woke up feeling stupidly tired with swollen glands and aching bones. I am a sufferer of ME/ chronic fatigue and unfortunately, stress is a big trigger. As I am aware of this, I knew that most of this week would definitely be (what I like to call), CARE FOR ME TIME! I spent most of the day doing some cleaning and taking it easy. I went to the dentist for a filling and a check-up in the afternoon. I have no fear when it comes to the dentist. Well, I didn’t till now. Filling went in fine. Check-up done and I need to go back in a couple of weeks to have a load of fillings. The scary part, almost £1k to get them all in white. Pissed, but it needs to be done… Happy Monday!
Tuesday, I booked in a doctor’s appointment, not for chronic fatigue but for another issue I’ve been having. Just one irritatingly, itchy boob with discharge. In the afternoon I went to see the doctor. She had a good prod and poke, and said that my symptoms are due to heavy boobs. So, along with backache, stretchmarks, expensive bras, fear of knocking myself out when I run, expensive bikinis or swimsuits that are hard to find… The list goes on, I have to now deal with unbearable itching and discharge. I think that reduction and lift may be closer than I think. Big boobs are seriously not worth all this! Then, the dreaded weighing scales came out. She asked me to step on to them. I knew I would have put on a bit of weight since last time, it’s winter and Christmas was only really last month. I looked down and my face turned. How the hell did I put on 2 stone in a year? How didn’t I realise. Well, I did but that much. The doctor looked at me and was like “you need to lose some weight”. Bahahahahahaa. No shit Sherlock. I was sent off with a prescription for steroid cream and a blood test form. As if I’m going to use steroid cream on my boob. Thank god for Shea Butter and Coconut oil! I went home, and as you do when you are told to lose weight… I ate a bar of chocolate contemplating how I put the weight on. Don’t you just love the stupid things we do as humans, to distract ourselves from the consequences of our actions? But really, I sat there telling myself, I don’t eat that badly and I am active and if I just maybe give this or that up once a week then I will be fine. Urmm, no, I need to stop munching my way through life and become more active (with an extra-extra-large full stop). I am not one to want to be super slim, it’s just not in me, but I do have to watch my weight as it does have an impact on my health. So new task, eat better, exercise more and drop those pounds! Oh, and Zadie was sick all over my car. Cherry, cake… Yep!
Wednesday, I posted my blog The Month Of Love. I really loved writing this blog as I do feel that this month seems to be a bit of a difficult one for lots of people. More and more people are putting themselves at the back of the queue because of their career, studies, partners, friends, family, certain responsibilities. I sure know that I am guilty of getting caught up in this trap and it feels plain s**t! It is great to care for someone or something other than yourself but important to look after yourself first and I just wanted to share with you, a few things that I do, that don’t take up too much time or end up costly. I also took the opportunity to remind you that only you will be able to love yourself fully and, in the way, that you want to, DO IT because you DESERVE IT! Unfortunately, because I opened up to you, my readers, at the beginning of my blog post about how my uncle passed away I got a bollocking from my cousin. WTF!!! I am a grown woman if you want to speak to me go ahead, but please don’t think that you have the power to reprimand me like you’re the Law! It’s not going to go down well at all. Out of kindness, I removed this from the blog, however, this does not remove the facts of the truth I am not a magician! I was hurt by the way her verbal vomit of contradiction, lies, insecurities, and guilt bought on from her own actions, was all of a sudden my fault. She was hurtful and plain nasty, and I didn’t deserve any of it… If she needed to let off some steam…Get a therapist! We don’t have that kind of relationship and she made it clear when her dad passed away that she didn’t want it. Just because she cut off from us, it doesn’t mean that My relationship with her dad, my uncle all of a sudden doesn’t exist anymore. I didn’t go into detail about what happened as I understand that this may be rubbing salt in wounds, and I’m not that type of person. But, the reaction I got was as if I had blogged to the world her family affairs. I spoke about my feelings, relationship, and truth only. I lightly touched on the fact he passed in February, and how he passed away, and that I still think about him but more during this month. A lot of what was said was contradictory didn’t make sense at all and if what she had said was coming from a good place she certainly would not have thrown her own sister and niece under the bus. Pathetic! One thing I know for sure is that the things she said, confirms her mindset and what she truly thinks of family! Since my uncle passed, we have seen each other a handful of times. She has made it clear that she is not bothered about keeping a relationship. I feel sorry for her and hope that she can find some sort of peace in her heart. However, this is her own feeling to harbor or overcome as she chooses, not mine, so I have decided not to hold on to it as it’s nothing to do with me. I am not ashamed, nor do I feel guilty about his death. I did what I could for my uncle and I just hope he is resting in peace! I do not hold anger against him just sad that he is gone. The situation made me before angry, but I have been able to work through this as the situation no longer exists. When we lose someone or someone gets hurt, it impacts everyone the person knows/ knew in different ways. However, no one has the right to tell someone how it can or can’t impact another person. Speak only your truth and allow others to speak theirs!
Thursday, Yay, Zadie Bear is recovered from her spaying and umbilical hernia opp. Well, she had the cone taken off and needed to be watched for a couple of days. She was so funny; she touched her head all day as she was so happy to have it back. I did 50 min on the Cross Trainer. Getting my fitness mojo on! Then the evening happened. All I wanted to do was watch endless episodes of Suits and chill out. But, no, my sister had been out celebrating her bonus and pay rise. I was very happy for her and still am, what an achievement! She was very cross about what my cousin had done and so she felt she had to say her bit to my cousin. I suppose that’s what big sisters do right. I just didn’t feel it necessary to do it when drunk and I didn’t need an endless phone call of sloppy talk going on and on about it. I wanted to get over it! I was over it! I really don’t understand the need to drag out the feeling of pain longer than needed. I know it was done out of trying to be helpful, but rather than having a longed-out convo, getting frustrated and ending the night on a negative. 4 episodes of suits and a good night sleep would have been positive. Waking up to a new day and a new start! Mehh, this week just keeps slapping me back down!
Friday, now what did Friday have in store for me… I didn’t want to know. It was time to take back control. I had limited time on my phone, watched some shitty TV in the morning and read my book (Tears of the Desert-an amazing book-recommended!). Sometimes, I just wish there was a switch off button for what your brain can pluck out of the remind you bin. Literally, actually, trying to gain my zen here and what do I remember… I am seeing my gynecologist on the 14th of Feb 2019. Valentine’s day, seriously, it could only happen to me! What do I do? Get a vajazzle, take him a card, chocolates maybe flowers or a teddy? Well, if it was gonna happen, it was gonna happen to me. After this though, I actually hid under my duvet and slept. It did the trick. My nephew came over after school, he had his usual Indian cuisine cooked by my mum and a Lush pamper session in the bath. Then a massage by me, Dancing on Ice and bed. I kept cosy under my covers and couldn’t put the book down.
Saturday, I went out to see my bestie, we had a Starbucks a good chat then moved on to Cremes where I had a peanut butter milkshake and she had crepes. Obviously, our chat continued and continued, there was laughs, tears, almost pee yourself moments. We went to Dunelm, love this shop! Had a play round in there and that’s where I stumbled on the most amazing invention ever! Pillow protectors! Not just any pillow protectors but scented ones. Lavender and Eucalyptus! Well, these were coming home with me! Today, my luck changed! All it took was a long sleep, to get lost in a book, seeing my good friend, some sugar and a stroll around Dunelm. Positivity is flowing! I went home, gave my Zadie Bear a squeeze, ran the bath and finished my book! Such a great weekend!
Sunday, still living my best life! Good night’s sleep and ready to get my unicorn on! I met my friend Holly in Crouch End, who is @marley.munchkin mummy and Marley is Zadie Bears Hubby to be! It was literally love at first sight for these two and they have never looked back since! They are the cutest together ever! Anyway, back to Sunday, we had a lovely coffee and chat and the love-pups had a kiss, cuddle and a play. It was such a lovely morning/afternoon. After meeting Holly, I went to the cinema to see Green Book with the family. We had the sofas at the picture house, and it was amazing! The film, company, and popcorn! Who could want more from a Sunday! Now I am sitting here writing my blog, 2 days late but it is fine because I am able to write it. The stress from the beginning of the week had completely thrown me off.
This week was a true example that life can really suck sometimes, it can get you down and kick you when you are down. But when it does, acknowledge how you feel and react in the way that will build you back up. Self-Love, Care For Yourself. Whatever you want to call it just put yourself and your needs first and don’t dwell, everything will sort it’s self out in the end and when it does you will be ready and at the top of your game, why? Because you prepared by investing in yourself!
I hope I didn’t bore you with my hell of a week! I hope you all had better weeks than me! Let me know what you do to cope with weeks like this? Do you love yourself as much as you want to already or do you deserve more of your own time? Have you managed to flip things around by taking back control of you?
Let’s raise our coffee mug to Monday, a new week, a better week, the week of “me first”!
Sending lots of glitter, sparkles and unicorn light your way xx